Touch The Sky

How do I celebrate Thanksgiving when just days ago, my beautiful granddaughter went to Heaven?

I had to think about this.

Multiple scriptures have crossed my texts, emails, devotions, and verbally in the last few days, especially this morning, since it’s Thanksgiving. And while I know and quote many of them, it feels hollow at the moment, even though I’m on the road to see my oldest daughter and my other two beautiful granddaughters.

It’s not Thanksgiving as I know it; being surrounded by family, cooking and laughing together. The smell of our turkey baking, our family’s secret-recipe peach cobbler waiting for a spot in the oven. Christmas music in the background and both of my amazing daughters by my side, sharing memories and making new ones. A hearty thankful prayer, sometimes sharing what we are grateful for, and sometimes the hunger and smells of the food drive us straight to the meal immediately after the prayer, and then in the afternoon, naps and rest before family game time.

But not today because no matter how many laughs we share, hugs we give, and food we eat, the sting of our sweet baby passing and the absence of my heartbroken daughter, who needed a getaway trip rather than a traditional Thanksgiving, is haunting me.

And YES, I have counted it all joy, and made my list of things to be thankful for: my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my friends, a home, and food. I know, I know, for those of you whispering to me that there is so much to be thankful for. I know and believe me, I AM.

But sometimes the sentiments and comments from well-meaning people feel like a slap in the face, like lofty words from someone who hasn’t walked in our shoes.

I know this because I used to be that well-meaning person; heart right, wanting to help, but a silent hug or a simple ‘I love you’ would have been a better option in that moment.

In the book of Job, we read about how, after losing everything, including all of his children and all of his wealth, his friends and wife tried to talk him into cursing God. Still, he responded that they spoke like foolish people and said, “Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” He could not curse God because even in the ashes of loss, he had seen how good God is.

My daughter told me that just days after her baby girl left us. She said, I am angry, but I can’t curse God because He’s been so good to us.

WOW. Think about that for a moment because I had to.

She’s right. Since the birth of Tatum, we had been fighting with her to overcome multiple hurdles they didn’t think she’d jump. The prognosis in the first days of her life was that she might not make it 2 weeks, but we had the gift of her for 13 months. Throughout those months, we experienced miracle after miracle, deeply orchestrated by God, some of which began years earlier in the tapestry of our lives, sewn with the thread of the tears we shed in other difficult times, in moments we wondered if we’d make it through.

We did, and the reason for the hard times in the past was finally revealed as we fought with Tatum. God allowed those hard times because they were the launching board for the miracles we needed to help us walk with her.

So how do I celebrate on Thanksgiving Day? I remember that God is indeed good in every situation and that although it doesn’t feel like it right now, He is working things for my good because I LOVE HIM, and He promises that He will. At the right time, the revelation of why will come.

But even in this moment, stopping to remember one of the essential truths that brings me peace: Tatum is in Heaven with Jesus, healed and whole. She’s with family and friends who have gone on before us, waiting for us to join her when it’s time; a broken, forsaken, and risen Savior ensured that we’d all be together eternally in Heaven.

AND that is the most important reason I can be grateful today and every day MOVING FORWARD.

As I hold on to my faith, Jesus is holding on to me.